Great Love Can Change Our Hearts

Publié par Unknown on dimanche 7 juin 2015

By Evan Sanders


My mind is dripping with paint. Beautiful colours casted all over the endless canvas of my mind. Mixing. Swirling. Blasted with unique colour. How rare for a mind that was stripped of colour not so long ago...one that was burdened by the darkest shades of of blacks and the gap between those dark shades and white. There had been only that. Nothing but that. There are stunning and complex portraits of memories that unfold like streamers in my mind. I used to curse these unending reels of tape falling from the ceilings. They would play time after time in my mind again. Moments. Memories. Feelings. Laughter. My mind felt bogged down by their presence. I attempted to manage the wild nature of them, only to find that once a flutter of wind came by they would disentangle time upon time.

This was the tale about a man great suffering. Regret. Pain. Fear.

A deleterious force inside himself controlled by the sour manufacturing of life's greatest demons and tests. A person who feared the genuine, the true, and to stand up for what really whispered within his heart and drove his ambitions. A type of man annihilated by a force burning him to death from a fierce cold that froze even glimmers of heat inside his heart. I was the type of man who gripped on too tight to what existed, strangling whatever was to the point of breathlessness. My grip was severe, turning things to dust, permitting them to sift through my fingers. My hands callused from building walls and thwarting off barbarians of love.

I was the kind of man whose heavy hands were beaten to a pulp by his attempts to grasp onto things that really needed to change, only to find that there is an incapability to manipulate what must shift. The suffering that was made from watching the inevitable changing of things only brought more fear, more darkness, more agony.

I was that sort of man, at one time.

One day I decided to let go. Of everything. All that I feared, all that I adored. Everything in that moment, became much lighter. I made an effort to deeply believe that all would arrive in time, that love would find its way, lessons would show up at my doorstep and I could actually begin to live.

I let the streamers, oh those beautiful tapestries of my mind unfold as they wished, floating around the expansive room of my thoughts with true freedom and grace. I took the time to walk amongst their wonderful colours appreciating their subtleties and depth. In turn, I granted myself the opportunity for using what was divine inside my soul. I started to talk to the heavens and rather than living in continued suffering, I just lived, giving up existing for something far grander.

But among it all, I became the sort of man that might be dripping with full colours and could watch everything go. I could hold others with open palms so they were free to fly. I could smile at things that once caused me discomfort. My hands, despite their strength, became very gentle. I became softer. My words became deeper. My feelings became stronger. And with all that, the true intensity of the looks I gave others became engulfed with passion. I stopped looking at other people and looked deeply into them.

I used to be the type of man who suffered continually.

Now, I am the sort of man who suffers, and with that, loves intensely.

I am moving on with a full heart.




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